Does Time Heal?

Sometimes I think it does, and other times I wonder. Its been about a month since we lost Jack and to this day I sometimes can't believe he is actually gone. I still miss him very much. There are still times where I almost forget that he is gone but it hits me soon enough that he is. We recently got a new puppy for my daughter's birthday, she has been wanting a puppy for as long as I can remember. "Bandit" will never replace Jack, no animal ever could, but he definitely keeps us busy, which of course helps. I'm tearing up as I write this and I wonder if the sadness will ever completely go away. I don't know....Jack was so very special.

Its been a week.....

And man what a hard week. In some ways it seems like just yesterday and in others it seems like he's been gone forever. Overall each day is a bit easier but the pain isn't gone. I was able to go away for a couple of days and I think that helped. Our home seems so empty without his wonderful "presence"....its just not the same :-(. I know he is gone but man sometimes it is hard to comprehend and get your mind around it. At times I feel so lost because for every day for almost 16 months I was fighting an evil enemy, cancer, and that enemy finally won and it just feels weird to not have that fight part of my daily life. It just seem so unfair that he is gone, yet I feel so blessed that he was part of our lives, it just wasn't long enough!!

The final blow......

It is with extreme sadness that I need to report that as of shortly before 2:00 today Jack is no longer with us in body, though he will continue to be here in spirit for those he touched. I was fortunate that even though it was a Sunday my vet agreed to come to my home and do it so that he could be somewhere he loved and felt safe. While extremely hard, I know he is at peace now. I was able to keep is pain under control but something else was going on and it got to the point where he was having difficulty breathing and got to the point today where he couldn't even lay down, he also stopped eating. Up until the end he was typical Jack with his loving eyes and a tail wag. He was even able to go on a short walk. On first glance you would never be able to tell anything was wrong. My mom came up to be with us and her initial reaction when he greeted her was oh he has time left. But it didn't take long to see beyond his wonderful greeting and big tail wagging. I've had many animals but Jack has touched my soul more than any other. It has been a long, hard 16 months full of ups and downs, but he has fought hard and stayed strong up to the end. He was able to say goodbye to his wonderful oncologist on Friday (though at the time we didn't know how near the end was) and today his sitters when I was gone also came for a last visit.

Attached is an awesome picture that we took this morning next to a stone we made in his honor which was placed by his favorite spot to lay.

Its time to start healing for my daughter and I, but it will be long road.

More bad news.....

Well Jack went to the vet today to possibly have a few small growths removed. I took him to his "regular" vet on Friday because I was concerned about his limping and that he seemed to be limping on his right front leg too. The vet couldn't find anything obvious wrong but did suggest possibly removing the small growths with just a local so that they would not get large and ulcer. After speaking to the vet that would be doing the surgery and the vet that ultimately diagnosed him I decided to not remove anything but to ok x-rays to see what was going on with his leg and lungs. While his lungs came back clear, his right rear leg is showing signs that the cancer has spread there. We now have to face the hard, cold fact that he doesn't have long. We are now at the point of making sure we control his pain and continue to keep his quality of life up. Once either of those suffer we will then have to make the hardest decision a pet owner makes. For now we will shower him with treats, play and love.

Really....can we just have some peace??

So he still overall looks and acts great. You wouldn't know he has cancer. But unfortunately that isn't all that is going on. I mentioned previously that he seemed to have done something to his leg.....the vet put him on some inflammation medicine and he seemed to be doing better. We went on our camping trip this past week and he seemed to re-injure it. I took him in today to have his stitches removed and the vet thinks that he may have torn or ruptured his ACL...really can he not live out the remainder of his days doing what he loves, running and playing ball??? He is on some meds and if he improves in the next two weeks then it may have been just a tear and he will be able to run in a month or so, but only in a straight line, no more running crazy with the ball or doing figure 8's out in the front yard...our favorite evening activity. Because while a tear can get better, it will always be weak. If it is a rupture then it will not heal on its own and I can't put him thru another surgery, especially given the circumstances. So all I can do is make him as comfortable as possible and do whatever "play" we can. This is just killing me.....

Crushing News...

Unfortunately the news is not good....they removed the one growth on 2/14/11 and found another one on his left leg during surgery so they removed that one too. After he was out of surgery they found another one on his neck and in the two weeks since it has grown quite a bit :-( I've also found another very small one growing by his ear. The results came back as metastasized malignant melanoma.....the oncologist is in shock as this case isn't presenting like any she has seen before. This is very frustrating because she can't really tell me what to expect. We have an appt with her next week and I'm hoping she will be able to give me more information.

It never seems to end....

Well it has been a stressful week. Last Monday Jack was out front doing his favorite thing...chasing his ball. On the last throws of the day you could tell that he did something to his right back leg....pulled a muscle or something. I wasn't to worried about it, but it doesn't seems to have gotten better, not worse but not better. Everything worries me these days. He still acts great, running, tail wagging, etc....but my doubts are there. Then my worst fear and something I really wasn't prepared for, I was petting his stomach Thursday night and to my horror found a growth about the size of a dime...it was black and hard but still could be moved around. I was blown away as I had never read anything about malignant melanoma in dogs spreading on the outside, only the inside (the oncologist agrees that this is not normal). I took him in to his holistic vet Friday afternoon and they did a needle aspiration. It looked suspicious and aggressive, but of course they can't tell me for sure what it is. :-( He is scheduled for surgery Monday morning but I want them to check out his back legs first. I have no idea if it is even related but if something is going on with his legs/hips....then I'm not sure if I even want to put him thru another surgery. This has hit me hard as I have prepared myself for every step of this "process" as well as I could but this I was not prepared for and it just wasn't what I was expecting.

We have a vacation to the beach planned in one week and I'm so ready to just go with him and my daughter and just relax and enjoy each other's company.