Six Month Mark

Well we are at the six month mark tomorrow since Jack left us. I keep thinking it will get easier but he is still constantly on our minds. We are having some issues with our new puppy and I think that makes it harder. We still miss Jack so much and get angry sometimes that it is so unfair that he had so little time with us.............

Four Months

Well its now been four months. Man it seems like so long ago in some ways. My daughter came in crying last night when she realized it was the four month mark. It still is so hard in so many ways. We miss him sooo much :-(

Three months..........

I can't believe its been 3 months since Jack passed. While the pain has mostly gotten better, we sure still miss him so much. We just went camping and that really brought things home for use because Jack was our camping buddy :-(. We did take our new puppy Bandit....we want him to like camping as much as Jack did! He had fun, but its definitely all new to him and he has to get used to that!!

I still miss him so much

Well its been over two months since Jack's passing. I still miss him very much and wonder why he had to be dealt this horrible disease. I so wish he was still here, with his wonderful spirit. I find some comfort in pictures and videos, but it can bring sadness too. It will be hard this summer as one of our favorite things to do with him was camping and that was one of the last things we did with him, just a short time before he died. We have a trip coming up and I'm sure he will be on our minds a lot. We will be able to introduce our new puppy to camping and I hope he loves it as much as Jack did. I continue to hope that this blog can help someone else thru what is a very difficult time.

Does Time Heal?

Sometimes I think it does, and other times I wonder. Its been about a month since we lost Jack and to this day I sometimes can't believe he is actually gone. I still miss him very much. There are still times where I almost forget that he is gone but it hits me soon enough that he is. We recently got a new puppy for my daughter's birthday, she has been wanting a puppy for as long as I can remember. "Bandit" will never replace Jack, no animal ever could, but he definitely keeps us busy, which of course helps. I'm tearing up as I write this and I wonder if the sadness will ever completely go away. I don't know....Jack was so very special.

Its been a week.....

And man what a hard week. In some ways it seems like just yesterday and in others it seems like he's been gone forever. Overall each day is a bit easier but the pain isn't gone. I was able to go away for a couple of days and I think that helped. Our home seems so empty without his wonderful "presence"....its just not the same :-(. I know he is gone but man sometimes it is hard to comprehend and get your mind around it. At times I feel so lost because for every day for almost 16 months I was fighting an evil enemy, cancer, and that enemy finally won and it just feels weird to not have that fight part of my daily life. It just seem so unfair that he is gone, yet I feel so blessed that he was part of our lives, it just wasn't long enough!!

The final blow......

It is with extreme sadness that I need to report that as of shortly before 2:00 today Jack is no longer with us in body, though he will continue to be here in spirit for those he touched. I was fortunate that even though it was a Sunday my vet agreed to come to my home and do it so that he could be somewhere he loved and felt safe. While extremely hard, I know he is at peace now. I was able to keep is pain under control but something else was going on and it got to the point where he was having difficulty breathing and got to the point today where he couldn't even lay down, he also stopped eating. Up until the end he was typical Jack with his loving eyes and a tail wag. He was even able to go on a short walk. On first glance you would never be able to tell anything was wrong. My mom came up to be with us and her initial reaction when he greeted her was oh he has time left. But it didn't take long to see beyond his wonderful greeting and big tail wagging. I've had many animals but Jack has touched my soul more than any other. It has been a long, hard 16 months full of ups and downs, but he has fought hard and stayed strong up to the end. He was able to say goodbye to his wonderful oncologist on Friday (though at the time we didn't know how near the end was) and today his sitters when I was gone also came for a last visit.

Attached is an awesome picture that we took this morning next to a stone we made in his honor which was placed by his favorite spot to lay.

Its time to start healing for my daughter and I, but it will be long road.

More bad news.....

Well Jack went to the vet today to possibly have a few small growths removed. I took him to his "regular" vet on Friday because I was concerned about his limping and that he seemed to be limping on his right front leg too. The vet couldn't find anything obvious wrong but did suggest possibly removing the small growths with just a local so that they would not get large and ulcer. After speaking to the vet that would be doing the surgery and the vet that ultimately diagnosed him I decided to not remove anything but to ok x-rays to see what was going on with his leg and lungs. While his lungs came back clear, his right rear leg is showing signs that the cancer has spread there. We now have to face the hard, cold fact that he doesn't have long. We are now at the point of making sure we control his pain and continue to keep his quality of life up. Once either of those suffer we will then have to make the hardest decision a pet owner makes. For now we will shower him with treats, play and love.

Really....can we just have some peace??

So he still overall looks and acts great. You wouldn't know he has cancer. But unfortunately that isn't all that is going on. I mentioned previously that he seemed to have done something to his leg.....the vet put him on some inflammation medicine and he seemed to be doing better. We went on our camping trip this past week and he seemed to re-injure it. I took him in today to have his stitches removed and the vet thinks that he may have torn or ruptured his ACL...really can he not live out the remainder of his days doing what he loves, running and playing ball??? He is on some meds and if he improves in the next two weeks then it may have been just a tear and he will be able to run in a month or so, but only in a straight line, no more running crazy with the ball or doing figure 8's out in the front yard...our favorite evening activity. Because while a tear can get better, it will always be weak. If it is a rupture then it will not heal on its own and I can't put him thru another surgery, especially given the circumstances. So all I can do is make him as comfortable as possible and do whatever "play" we can. This is just killing me.....

Crushing News...

Unfortunately the news is not good....they removed the one growth on 2/14/11 and found another one on his left leg during surgery so they removed that one too. After he was out of surgery they found another one on his neck and in the two weeks since it has grown quite a bit :-( I've also found another very small one growing by his ear. The results came back as metastasized malignant melanoma.....the oncologist is in shock as this case isn't presenting like any she has seen before. This is very frustrating because she can't really tell me what to expect. We have an appt with her next week and I'm hoping she will be able to give me more information.

It never seems to end....

Well it has been a stressful week. Last Monday Jack was out front doing his favorite thing...chasing his ball. On the last throws of the day you could tell that he did something to his right back leg....pulled a muscle or something. I wasn't to worried about it, but it doesn't seems to have gotten better, not worse but not better. Everything worries me these days. He still acts great, running, tail wagging, etc....but my doubts are there. Then my worst fear and something I really wasn't prepared for, I was petting his stomach Thursday night and to my horror found a growth about the size of a dime...it was black and hard but still could be moved around. I was blown away as I had never read anything about malignant melanoma in dogs spreading on the outside, only the inside (the oncologist agrees that this is not normal). I took him in to his holistic vet Friday afternoon and they did a needle aspiration. It looked suspicious and aggressive, but of course they can't tell me for sure what it is. :-( He is scheduled for surgery Monday morning but I want them to check out his back legs first. I have no idea if it is even related but if something is going on with his legs/hips....then I'm not sure if I even want to put him thru another surgery. This has hit me hard as I have prepared myself for every step of this "process" as well as I could but this I was not prepared for and it just wasn't what I was expecting.

We have a vacation to the beach planned in one week and I'm so ready to just go with him and my daughter and just relax and enjoy each other's company.

One Month........

Its been one month since Jack had his surgery. He's doing great. Still loving life!! We continue with the herbs and supplements and just pray that they are helping him out! Eventually I will do a x-ray to see what's going on inside of him, but may wait another couple months. It still kills me that this happened to him, but I'm trying to stay very positive and enjoy every day with him.

2 Week Check Up

Jack continues to do great! He had his two week check up and was cleared for regular activity. His incision looks great. The first thing we did when we got home was play ball :-). We also saw the holistic vet and pretty much are going with what we have been doing but have taken one item out (Si Miao San) and added two items (Xue Yu Tang and Tan Yu Tang). I've also added EGCG and Turmeric). We will now take it a day at a time and enjoy life to the fullest!!

Bad News :-(

Well I finally heard from the oncologist....the news was not good, the melanoma has spread. While I prepared myself for this, it still is a crushing blow.....I was so hoping for a miracle. My family and I are crushed. But we had a good cry and now are going to focus on holisitc medicine and do everything we can to make his time with us as long as possible and as full of life as possible. He continues to do well after the surgery!

Home from Surgery

He had surgery to remove the growth in his lung on Thursday...they also removed one lympth node. I'll have the results from those sometime next week. They told me he would not be able to come home until Saturday morning at the earliest.....he proved them wrong and came home Friday late afternoon :-). He definitely is sore and is moving slowing but is eating and acting fine. He is on restricted activity for 2 weeks so that should be fun!! I've told the oncologist that I just can't afford to do anything else (really couldn't afford what I have done) and that just kills me! :-( I'm hoping for good news next week! He continues to amaze me!

Results of last X-Ray

So its been another month and Jack went in for another x-ray to see how the spot on his lung looked. Overall the news was good, its still there, maybe just a bit bigger (a bit over 2 cm) and no other new spots/growths. So I went ahead and had a CT done to make sure there wasn't anything else anywhere else. It came back clean except for that one growth. Soooo it looks like he will have surgery on Thursday and they say prognosis is good. Here's keeping that hope!!